A preschool call about hurting another child is information about the gap between what your child is being asked to manage and what they currently can. The conversation at home is for connection, not correction -- it matters, but it is not what changes the behaviour. What changes the behaviour is what happens at the moment of the incident, in the setting where it occurs. Ask the preschool what that looks like. The language your child has for frustration and conflict is built at home. The more of it they have, the less they need to borrow from their body.

A child who regresses after a new sibling arrives is not acting out. They are grieving the world before the baby, in the only language available to them. The regression is the grief. The most effective response is not to correct the behaviour but to address the underlying loss -- proactively, consistently, before the bids for attention, not as a response to them. Ten minutes of one-on-one time every day does more than most other strategies combined.

When everything is suddenly not fair, your child may be tracking more than objects, turns, or portions. They may be asking whether differences in the family mean they matter less. The loop that keeps it going is the equality-accounting loop: the more adults try to prove everything is exactly equal, the more children learn to audit every difference. Fair does not always mean same. Fair means each child gets what they need, while still knowing they matter just as much.

When children fight over the exact same toy every day, the toy is carrying possession, control, attention, and fairness all at once. The loop that keeps it going is the referee loop: the parent investigates, both children argue their case, and the conflict becomes something to win. Stop harm, use a simple turn system, and repeat the same structure often enough that grabbing and arguing stop being the main path to the toy.

When an older child keeps hitting the baby, the behavior is often about displacement, impulse, and needing the parent back, not adult-like cruelty. The loop that keeps it going is the emergency-attention loop: hurting the baby instantly changes the parent’s face, voice, and body. Protect the baby every time, but also make safe bids for attention work sooner. The older child needs a firm safety boundary and a reliable way to feel they still have a place.